A time of trial
We must all see through the mist
To the morning sun
This entry will be the first which comes across as I originally intended. I realized that it is very possible that the way of life of Americans will vanish away, and perhaps soon. This acts as a sort of odd record of these final hours. I am not sure if it will continue even after various terrible things befall myself or my family; I certainly hope that won't be necessary.
Americans - by which I mean those who are citizens of the United States of America - are living in fear. I think this condition extends to all Americans, for various particular reasons. However, the general reason remains that our governing authorities have signaled that they will not protect us.
We have been living in a state of mild to severe depression for quite some time - and of course, as we live, as it seems to us now, in a prison, the only thing we can do is work on ourselves because "depression is the opposite of action." The only other way to be free of this is to simply tune out entirely from the world's events.
I spend my time procrastinating, by in large. There is not much that can be done, that would have any effect; one gets a very strong sense of one's powerlessness in these days. So all things tend to be put off until tomorrow, hoping perhaps that something will happen that will change the atmosphere, for someone to give the signal that it is worth investing in anything.
This, sadly, is not at all equivalent to a Christian sense of detachment. We do not divest because we are investing in things which are eternal; we are not having a view to the human condition's changeability. Rather, we are like people in the inner cities who are concerned that anything which is not bolted down will be broken or stolen.
People would like to insult us because we do not 'rise up', yet what would the result be? I suppose that some do not understand the mystery given to Christians, "The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth", it remains a hard teaching and it was never given to the masses. Yet, something will give. But as with all things, it must start with those who have authority showing courage. Even our enemies do not dare stick up their neck unless called for.
It is a terrible failure, almost unspeakable to us -- I know that I bear it every day. Perhaps some will say I am over-reacting; yet I must say that in our time we needed more than ever for those to whom we gave leadership over us to exercise that, and either defend us, or give us the means to defend ourselves. They have done neither. We are left to our own resources, which after 50+ years of plundering, are very little. We may as well be peasants.
Today we are trying to get a birth certificate for my second son. It seems like it will be difficult, as we're not able to provide the type of documentation to which the Vital Records department is most amenable. Yet, it might end up being trivial - having never dealt with such a situation before I do not know what to expect. I do however worry that, based on the behavior of bureaucracies in our nation, it will be used as a pretext to deprive us of our son.
I do not pretend to know how they will deal with us - but I expect, as it is, to be treated like a complete stranger by the government of a country my family has been in for over three centuries. My wife said to me, "why should we want to be citizens of such a country?" I don't have an answer.